Yearly Recap: 2013

Better late than never. Ever year, I like to recap event with this little survey. Check out past posts from 2010, 2011 and 2012.

1. What did you do in 2013 that you’d never done before?
Bought a house, spoke at the Milwaukee Listen to your Mother and ran a half marathon.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

Last year, I didn't make any resolutions and it felt freeing. I'd like to put some pen to paper - or text to...blog and get some goals nailed down this year. I tend to be a procrastinator (hence, an annual recap a week late) and want a few more days to put this off think about this.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Yes, two of my closest college girlfriends. I can't wait to meet them both soon!

4. Did anyone close to you die? 

Thankfully, no. Many of my close friends lost loved ones this year. It was tough to watch them grieve but through their experiences, I've learned a lot about gratitude and living life to the fullest.

5. What countries did you visit?
Last year I wrote: Nada. I may have to adjust this question to “counties vs. countries” because there aren't any international trips in our near future. 

And, that still rings true today. In typical Atkinson nature, we had plenty of camping adventures. We also spent a lot of time exploring our new neighborhood.

6. What would you like to have in 2014 that you lacked in 2013?
Lazy weekends at home!

7. What dates from 2013 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
April 15 - Started my new job (where I come to work happy each day!)
June 1 - Moved into our new home!

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? 
Here's what I wrote last year: Running. I wouldn't call myself a runner by any stretch but, I can run. I can run several miles at a time and more importantly, I love the way it makes me feel. I feel strong and clear-headed after (almost) every run.

I'm really happy that I still can call myself a runner. After completing my first half marathon in November I felt like a complete rock star. I'm now addicted to the rush of trusting a training schedule and crossing the finish line.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Changing jobs in April. In hindsight, I was miserable at my job but I felt guilty at the time. Guilty about "giving up" after six months. Now, working at a company I love, I'm happy that I left and feelings of failure are gone.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Thankfully, no.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Our first home and a few weeks later, patio furniture. There's nothing like relaxing in your own backyard with a icy cold cocktail.

12. Where did most of your money go?
Mortgage and daycare.

13. What did you get really excited about?
Speaking in front of other mothers, buying and decorating (slowly, slowly decorating) our home.

14. What song will always remind you of 2013?
Blurred Lines - cabin weekend with girlfriends and anything on Songza Drop a Beat playlist - my running go-to!

15. Compared to this time last year, are you: 


• Happier or sadder? Happier.
• Thinner or fatter? Same.
• Richer or poorer? Richer.
  

16. What do you wish you’d done more of?


• Listened. 
• Relaxed. 
• Crafted. 
• Read. 
• Laughed. 
• Ran. 
• Practiced yoga.

17. What do you wish you’d done less of? 


• Complained. 
• Online shopped. 
• Planned. 
• Wasted time on my iPhone. 

18. How did you spend Christmas?
Christmas Eve: Spent the day with Dan, Ingrid and Harper – we opened Ingrid’s gifts, stayed in jammies all day and watched Home Alone.
Christmas Day: Brunch with my dad and dinner at Dan's mom's house.

19. What was your favorite TV program?
Downton Abbey.

20. What were your favorite books of the year?
The Hunger Games trilogy.

21. What was your favorite music from this year? 

Since having Ingrid I miss going to live shows. Seeing She & Him for my birthday and later in the summer, Amos Lee were both highlights this year.

22. What were your favorite films of the year?
Hunger Games, Netflix recommendations.

23. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
The big 3-0! This summer I hosted friends at our new house for a little backyard party. It was pretty simple, relaxing and perfect.

24. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
I'll be honest here, more stability. Schedules, addresses, jobs - just about everything changed in 2013. I'm learning that the only constant is change. Next, how to cope with this fact.

25. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2013?
Re-purposing my closet and mixing in new finds from Target. #girlonabudget

26. What kept you sane?
Running, reading, Harper, Dan, a laughing Ingrid, family, my girlfriends and cooking.

27. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2013.

Work hard, play nice.

After Listen to Your Mother

I'm envious of writers who can churn out personal stories immediately following an event, experience or weekend. I need time to filter my thoughts and figure out where I really stand. This weekend's Listen to Your Mother event was no exception.

As we stood on the stage and waited patiently to take our bow, I could feel the nerves coming to a halt. Finally! Turns out they had been lingering since audition day. I kept telling myself it was just something silly - just sharing a little story - one that I've shared with you on this teeny blog. It isn't silly - it's my personal story. It's a big deal to write a personal story. To write that story and share it with friends, family and a bunch of strangers.

The show felt like a blur but I thought that after reading my piece, I could sit back, relax and listen to the other mothers. Instead, I was on the edge of my seat, crying (no surprise) and nervously cheered on my cast mates. I wanted them to shine - and they did.

After the event a woman came up to me and said "I have a story like yours. My baby wasn't planned." She had tears in her eyes. Then I started tearing up and neither one of us knew what to say. She said she just wanted me to know. I thanked her and held back tears.

At the after party, I rambled to our producers about the experience. I thought I did better than expected (I was always really nervous during rehearsals) and one producer chimed in with "It's a really big deal."

I wouldn't have believed her that morning but after reading my piece, I nodded along in agreement. It was a big deal. Listen to Your Mother claims to give Mother's Day a microphone. For me, it did so much more. It shook something loose that I didn't even know was stuck. I feel my story had momentum, closure, validity, a community and a voice.

I can't wait to hear the 2014 Listen to Your Mother show. Hopefully, being in the audience will mean that I won't be a hot mess but judging by the emotion of this year's show, that's pretty unlikely.

Unplanned Plan

My major? I liked business classes so, advertising seemed like a natural fit. What should I get for lunch? Let’s wait and see what the table’s ordering before deciding. Do I want to have kids? Yes. Without a doubt, yes.

Like everyone - I weighed my options when it came to any decision – big or insignificant – but I always knew that someday, some day in the far, distant future, I would be a mom.

I’m not what you would call maternal but I always knew that after years of being someone’s daughter, sister, granddaughter, friend, fiance and wife, I’d eventually earn the name – Mom.

I didn't plan on having the titles fiance, wife and mom all within 10 months.

After nearly a decade of dating, after awkwardly stumbling to answer the favorite family-gathering question “So, when do you two think you’ll get married…?” My boyfriend proposed. My fiancé and I started planning our wedding and our future. And eight weeks later, I went from wedding planning to planning for motherhood.

We moved up our wedding date. Our friends and families were happy for this accelerated union. Our parents were thrilled to hear the news of their first grand-baby. And they were all pleasantly surprised with our backyard shabby chic wedding that felt more chic, than shabby.

I kept waiting for feelings of sadness. To mourn the big white dress that would never be, the extensive
wedding planning, multiple showers, and bachelorette party - but it never happened. I never mourned my planned wedding because our unplanned wedding felt authentic, simple and appropriate.

If I could have waved a magic wand and not have been pregnant at my wedding, would I? Yes. I drank a Capri Sun at one point in the evening. So, there was a little “shabby” to compliment the chic. But it felt right because it was ours.

A few months after our wedding, and a few months before our baby arrived, my employer of five years moved all of their operations to Birmingham.

At that moment it felt like I was being punished for my lack of planning. It felt like the last piece of some fragile puzzle had been lost. And as frantically as I searched for the pieces I couldn't put the puzzle back together. I couldn't make sense of the situation. I threw myself a good ol’ fashioned pity party. A pregnancy pity party! Complete with Sour Patch Kids and probably a grilled cheese.

At my former-job, we helped our sales consultants write 30 second commercials, elevator pitches if you will, to explain their business.

During my engagement-pregnancy-wedding-unemployment period, I developed my own "30 second commercial.” And then, expanded it. Everyone heard a one thousand, nine hundred and nine second speech about my relationship, our engagement story, unexpected baby and – the icing on the cake – unemployment.
I apologized for my lack of planning. I spewed facts and dates at you - letting you know that our relationship - and this baby - were completely legitimate, despite our recent marital status. Because, we've been together forever, we've lived together for years and we always wanted kids.

My due date was April Fools Day. And after 8 days of waiting and 2 days of dramatic labor later, our beautiful daughter Ingrid arrived. Her unplanned plan must have been to keep us waiting, as her gender was also a surprise.

One day during the blur of newbornhood, I was rocking Ingrid to sleep and telling her stories. I was telling her the story of “us” – how I married my childhood crush, told her tales of camping and our favorite places. I explained to my tiny, wide-eyed two-month-old how we met and how we got married in Grandma’s backyard and danced under the stars. I threw in a self-deprecating joke as my husband was walking by and without skipping a beat he turned to us and said "She wasn't planned, but she was always part of the plan."
It was so beautiful. So simple. And so true.

I had to start planning for a family of three. To start standing up for my family and accept my unplanned reality. I had to start acting like a Mom.

Now, if anyone does the math - married in October, baby arrived in...April? I let them go ahead and think what they want to think, knowing that any pathetic attempt to explain "our story" isn't worth my time or energy.

We know life is buzzing all around us yet, we attempt to march through on a path we determine as “right.” But in the end, it’s true, she wasn't planned, but she's always been a part of the plan.

I had the honor of reading this piece for the Listen to Your Mother show in Milwaukee on May 5, 2013. What is Listen to Your Mother? A national series of live readings by local readers in celebration of Mother's Day. It's simplistic and wonderful!

How we got to this new, weird, apartment where Harper sleeps on an ottoman.

So, a lot of things have changed since Ingrid's birthday. Short list:

• I got a new job! 
• Our closing date got pushed back.
• Dan and I went to Chicago! 
• We moved out of our little apartment. 
• We moved into a tiny apartment.
• Good news: I'm less stressed about the upcoming Listen to Your Mother show because, it doesn't involve packing tape.  

I won't bore you with the details because they are essentially more embarrassing for me than they are boring. Thankfully, the new job has been wonderful. I don't even care that I'm in this "honeymoon" state where nothing is wrong and I assume everyone is probably a joy to work with. You know when you emerge from the other end of a breakup and start to date again? Only then can you see your ex for what he was. It's a lot like that. I feel like I'll be able to wake up happy (again!) and enjoy productive, positive days. 

I'll get real with you. Right now, I'm totally cool with this temporary situation. 24 hours ago when we didn't have internet, shampoo or a functioning knife - well, that was a different story. Side bar: baby shampoo is amazing for volume. Should you ever be in such a bind. 

The facts of this unplanned situation: our home buying process didn't line up with our lease and we're living in a bizarre furnished apartment. I'm walking on sunshine at my new job but I'm new and not yet comfortable. At home and at work nothing feels settled. Add the Listen to Your Mother event and Dan's graduation and we're just a ball of transition around here. We're eating meals out of the home more that I'd like. Harper hasn't had enough walks hence, this day-before-the-move surprise: 

But here's what's amazing: even if for some reason, this house doesn't work out, we'll be moving into our first house at some point. Dan will be done with school. Ingrid will once again watch Bubble Guppies. I'll eventually feel at home at work and at home. Harper will have a new park and new doors to destroy. 

To wrap up this weird, raw and honest post - here are some recent pictures: 

Happy and squinty.

Bay View Bread.

Happy Second Birthday!

Boom! It's a doll house.

Watching Bubble Guppies. Natch.

"I'm getting notes of...vanilla, awesomeness and sprinkles. For sure, sprinkles."

Whipped-cream hangover.

And now, Chicago.

Hashtag trending: tea.

Delicious, tea.

My first trip to The Bean!

Awkwardly holding it up. I guess.

Looks like we need more tea.

Off to The Aviary and The Girl and The Goat. #pretendingtobefancy

Do we want warm, tea-infused tequila? You bet we do.
#tea 

Hello!

Naturally posing on the ledge while looking at dozens of people waiting in line to do the same thing.

Natural.

We are up high.

Yolk. Eggcellent choice. Man, do I love breakfast.

Nice {bronze} legs.

Thanks for sticking with this one. More to come!

Weekend Recap: Taste of Single Life

This weekend was out of the ordinary but felt like my old "ordinary" weekends. Because "what I did" lists complete with "what I ate for breakfast" tend to feel a little...dramatic, so I'll just say that the overall theme was: "So this it what it feels like to be single again."  It wasn't glorious, it wasn't bad - it felt like a natural weekend. A weekend I used to know so well.

Friday Highlights: 

• Wine over lunch with friends turned into champagne over pedicures that turned into "let's just get one more drink." 
• After a quick break, my best friend and I reconnected to continue our celebrating. We sorted through Ingrid's old clothes and took breaks to watch amazing videos like this one. 
• The night ended with me dancing the night away in a stocking hat because I was too tired from drinking all afternoon to bother with details like "my appearance."

Saturday Highlights: 

• Started with an overly-ambitious four-mile run. I was reminded Chelsea Handler's books - the one where she talks about those rare energetic mornings after a night of drinking. At some point in the day you say to yourself "How did I end up in this canoe?" Sorry for trying to quote Chelsea - that was painful. But, at one point I looked at Harper, blissfully running on the shores of Lake Michigan, rain hitting her fur, and wondered out loud: "How am I two miles from home?"  
• Dressed up as the AppleJax pony from My Little Pony for my friend's daughter's third birthday.
• Celebrated her birthday with multiple cocktails and bacon-maple cookies. It was the best third birthday party ever!

Sunday Highlights: 

• There's a Dunkin' Donuts on my way home - and it's a drive through! 
• Emotionally draining Listen to Your Mother second rehearsal. I continue to cry during these stories. Thank goodness I'm reading third, less of a chance of looking like a giant hot mess. 
• Food court treats with the LTYM cast members. Turns out they are even more amazing than there five - seven minute stories. Wow. 
• Mad Men. I can't even contain my thoughts on the new season. Peggy - what a bad ass! These reviews were spot-on and thought-provoking last year. I can't wait to read these every Monday.

Between packing, laundry and these highlights the weekend was pretty wonderful. I wish I could tell you that I needed a weekend to myself or that I miss Dan and Ingrid like crazy but that's not the case. It was wonderful to spend time with old friends, best friends, new friends, Harper, my DVR, and myself. That's it. Nothing profoundly interesting or dramatic - I guess that IS what I needed!

Listen to Your Mother: First Rehearsal

I can't remember the last time I've been so excited. Well, I'll be honest and admit that I'm more excited about purchasing our first home than I am to be an inaugural cast member of the Milwaukee Listen to Your Mother Show. But, nonetheless, I'm really excited about this opportunity.

If I could do a cartwheel, I would do a cartwheel, I'm that excited. In fact, I'm going to try and attempt a cartwheel right now.

Nope. Still failing in the cartwheel department. 

I've struggled to communicate the details of the event. Thankfully, the founder (from Wisconsin!) explains it perfectly:

On Sunday we had our first rehearsal and it was wonderful. The group is an eclectic group of women from all walks of life. As the first story was read I thought "Ok, this is awesome. She is funny." Then, the second reader went and although I'm not not where she is at this stage of of my life, I related. Then, it was my turn. I was a ball of nerves. I was jittery, I cracked jokes to calm my nerves and at one point, I put my legs in an awkward yogaesk-tree pose? Painful. 

Between Kleenex grabs, I subconsciously tried to rank our stories.But as the last reader left the make-shift podium, I finally understood what our producers told us: the stories were chosen because they all flow together to create one cohesive show.

It's true - every story on it's own is touching but woven together, you need a stack of Kleenexes and a nap. It was an emotionally draining afternoon. I had plans to go to the gym and grocery store but instead, I just lingered around the conference room and got to know these wonderful women.

My head was spinning as I asked people "Where do you live?" after hearing a raw personal story about their path on motherhood. Sounds like it might be awkward, but it wasn't at all.

Read all about these wonderful women: the 2013 Listen to Your Mother Milwaukee cast!

Listen to Your Mother

Earlier this year a fellow MilwaukeeMoms blogger invited us to consider auditioning for this unique speaking event called Listen to Your Mother.

I looked around the site, decided it looked like a fun out-of-my-comfort-zone idea and said Yes to auditioning.

Then, as I developed my five-minute piece, I checked the site again to understand "the reader" and get an idea of the content.

After pausing the third video to get some Kleenex the nerves started to kick in. These women were amazingly talented. Their words lit up the room. I cried and laughed along with the audience.

Then, I put one foot in front of the other. I tried not to focus on the potential-scariness in front of me and just focus on the audition.

When audition day came, I managed to parked illegally in front of the Central Library. Then, I cursed myself for always going to my local, Bay View, library as I admired the pristine, historical downtown building. As I opened the door to the audition, I was greeted with a warm energy and was able to rid my nerves with five-minutes by my favorite way - good old-fashioned word-vomiting. I think I managed to say the words "balls" and "chocolate" before I even began reading my piece. As in "I don't have the balls for that." and "Ohh, chocolate! Is that for us?"

Word-vomiting at its finest.

Reading my piece, out-loud - to strangers - was strangely therapeutic. Strange in the fact that I was sharing intimate details of my life and it didn't feel that weird. It felt liberating to read words on paper. It didn't feel like speech class at all!

Like everyone, I assume my mom and close friends read my blog. There's comfort in that sense of public-privacy. Sure, I'm sharing my thoughts with "the world" but realistically, who cares?

Well, I'm really excited to tell you (that means you, Mom!) that I'll be joining the first - no, let's be fancy about this - inaugural - Milwaukee cast of Listen to Your Mother. 

Celebrate Mother's Day (a weekend early!) by listening to live readings by local mothers on Sunday, May 5 at 3:00 p.m. I'll share deets about venue and tickets when available.

In the meantime - check out these stories - and have Kleenex nearby (fair warning!).

And if you happen to not live in Milwaukee - there are 23 other cities participating. Check it out!

Weekend Recap: Comfort Zone, Kid Zone

Happy Monday! So, we have another snow storm coming up this week. Maybe it's because I'm back on caffeine, but I really don't have a strong opinion about this weather. We live in Wisconsin, it snows. Perhaps I'll even dust off the cross-country skis and enjoy the weather! Mmm, I have my money on leaving the skis in the attic and warming up to some hot chocolate.

Side Bar: How do you give your toddler hot chocolate? Because Dan and I just give just give it to Ingrid in a bowl with spoon. I'm assuming there's a sippy cup for hot liquids out there somewhere, I've never come across one. Ingrid really enjoys "hot chocolate soup." Which is fine, I guess. And, a little weird.

This Weekend: was relaxing. Laundry was half done. I became a fan of the lazy girl's gym workout: swimming, hot tub, sauna. Fancy! And we celebrated Dan's birthday with some classic Funfetti cupcakes and gifts that will be arriving in 3-5 business days.

Comfort Zone: Have you heard of Listen to Your Mother? It's a pretty interesting event, a national series, where moms from all walks of life share their stories in a public setting. One of my fellow bloggers at Milwaukee Moms invited us to audition and I said "Yes" before understanding what I was getting myself into. On Saturday I sat in front of two women and told them the story of how I became to be a mother. It was nerve-wracking but not terrifying. I surprised myself when I teared up and congratulated myself for getting through the speech without stumbling (too much).

I didn't expect to get so much out of the experience. The whole jist of the event is that every mother has a story to be shared and heard. It was powerful and exhilarating to just verbalize my story to strangers. 

Now, I hemmed and hawed over sharing this with you because, what if I don't get selected for the show? There are many of us auditioning for 12 spots. Honestly, I'm just excited that I had the guts to audition. 

Kid Zone: On Sunday we took Ingrid to the Betty Brinn Children's Museum (did you like my natural transition between these two events?). As Ingrid ran from exhibit to exhibit, her eyes got wider and wider. She couldn't get enough of the slides, cars and Mr. Potato Head. Oh, that Mr. Potato Head. Girl is in L-O-V-E with him!