Monday, December 20, 2010

Oh, here go hormones come.

Mood swings, insecurities, fears, ambivalence, impatience, and anger are all expected during the course of a normal pregnancy. When in the throws of a "hormonal rage" you feel anything but normal. Case in point - last Saturday afternoon.

Our "nice little Saturday" took a turn for the worse, when unwelcomed prego hormones decided to visit. While making Jamie's Famous Caramel Corn, I was trying to figure out what I wanted for dinner. Realizing that I'd have to run to the store unless I wanted rice, eggs or fruit - hormonal rage took over. I realized that I've been "working" ALL DAY I launched into a dramatic, long-winded tale of how I'm ALWAYS in front of the stove, I'm ALWAYS cleaning and WHEN I'm I EVER going to go out again. Cry me a river.

Honestly, I was completely exhausted. I was spent. I was spent from a day of walking my dog, cleaning, hanging out, making Christmas gifts and cooking. Deep down, I'm incredibly frustrated that I can't do as much as I'd like to everyday. Instead of just - I don't know - taking a nap or laying down. I decide to get frustrated at no one and just word-vomit my emotions.

As the tears were streaming down my cheeks, I thought "this is totally reasonable." Dan just left the room and 15 minutes later informed me that we'd be going out for dinner and see the Black Swan. Of course, I apologized and felt like a real asshole.

WHEN is this going to end? I mean, even my last entries have been laced with some sort of hormonal-rage. I keep thinking, that's why all of our grandmothers and even mothers were happily sipping on martinis and wine with full bellies - to keep these hormones in check - and I bet they were a heck of a lot easier to tolerate. 

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